paparazzi of our own lives

Earlier this week, a teenage girl whose name I no longer remember, got her 15 minutes of fame in mainstream media for admitting that everything she posted on social media to gain likes and followers was not a true reflection of her real life.

Apparently she feels like a fraud, and wants to call bullshit on the online charade.

This is the kind of 'news' that I would like to label -

A   S T O R M   I N   A   T E A C U P

Not because I don't agree with her new desire to empower young girls to live authentically;

Or because I don't applaud her new decision to use her position of power to speak truthfully to her followers;

Or because I, like several others, can't help but question if this was a clever marketing ploy to further her 'brand'.

But because it feels like we've just discovered that magazine editors use photoshop to enhance their images.

Or that reality shows like The Bachelor, Masterchef, (and dare I suggest it) Keeping Up With The Kardashians, employ an entourage of behind-the-scenes producers and editors to manufacture events and carefully manipulate situations to illicit more drama.

*gasp*

Social media posts are edited versions of reality.

That's a fact.

Photos posted by most #fitspiration accounts are no more candid than a carefully planned Lorna Jane photoshoot with strategic product placement and clever styling.

That's why we follow them.

It's why posts with hashtags like #inspiration; #foodporn; and #homedecor are in the millions.

Surely you too have taken countless near-identical shots before choosing 'the one' to post;

Added a valencia filter;

Or artfully cropped the image to showcase the best element?!

You won't find many terrible photos on my Facebook or Instagram accounts; 

And likewise, you won't find any framed and hung on the walls in my house.

Nobody wants to see my bedroom floor covered with the entire contents of my wardrobe because I couldn't find anything to wear to work 3 days in a row..

Or the state of my kitchen mid-baking, with dishes piled in the sink and the remnants of an icing sugar explosion across my bench top.

I publicly display the good stuff - ON and OFF line.

xx

the trust equation

I attended a training program through work recently, during which I was introduced to
T H E   T R U S T   E Q U A T I O N

There's a whole theory behind it;

And I found it very interesting particularly applied to professional scenarios.

But honestly, the equation makes it appear much more complex than it needs to be.

It's really very simple - 

T R U S T  . . .

H A R D   T O   E A R N 

E A S Y   T O   L O S E

The same week that I was introduced to The Trust Equation, I also found myself involved in a conversation about rock climbing.

"Are you afraid of heights?" I was asked.

Well, look, ummm... you see, I'm not a huge fan...

But the honest truth??

There's a better chance of me coping with heights than trusting someone to hold the ropes and pulleys to keep me suspended in the air whilst rock climbing....

I guess you could say that I suffer from Pistanthrophobia.

Which, despite sounding like an incurable disease, is

"the common fear of trusting people

due to past experiences with relationships gone bad."

To trust is to be vulnerable.

And vulnerability terrifies me.

(But that's another post for another day.)

Trust must be deserved.

I do not sprinkle it freely.

  

Thankfully I don't believe Pistanthrophobia is incurable.

I don't by any means think it is easy to overcome.

It just means I am cautious when choosing who to trust.
And sometimes my little protective shell takes a bit of gentle persuasion to crack.

And so... Here's a memo to everyone in my life;

Perhaps it's a memo you may wish to send to everyone in yours - 

xx

hey you! pay attention...

N O T E   T O   S E L F

To Me.

To You.

Listen Closely.

Pay Attention.

📷 In My Home

You yourself, as much as

anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection.

                                                          -- Buddha




House bound and recovering from surgery this week has given me the time to
1. Analyse every detail of my home; and
2. Take a few photos of the pretties that surround me.

Oh.. And

3. Remind myself that I am singularly responsible for my own health and happiness.

More so, I have come to realise that I DESERVE my own affection.

As much as anybody else.

It is fascinating (and somewhat heartbreaking) that I am not willing to give my own body the time and patience that I would afford to anybody else in my life to recover from this procedure.

Instead, I have found myself feeling frustrated at being tired and drowsy from the medication.

And ironically, pushing my mind and body through the pain has resulted in what is probably a slower than desirable recovery.

What a shitty cycle to be in.

And so, having learnt this lesson myself during the week (and because I wanted to share with you that very pretty photo from my very own living room) I am going to remind you one more time -

xx

nice girl seeks adventurer...

I work in advertising...

So you'd think I'd be a little more across things like the latest brand relaunches and multi-platform campaigns.

But I'm not.

#sorrynotsorry

Turns out this tv commercial has been on air since March.

But I only saw it for the first time this week..
So let's pretend it's brand new and not judge me for bringing up old news.

Besides... given the product being advertised -
I'm probably not the target demographic.
The ad really wasn't meant for me...
(Yes. Telling myself that does help me sleep at night.)

Anyway -
the core message appeals to me.

It is how I try to live my life.

Spending time and money on experiences rather than things.


I F   Y O U ' R E   N O T   C O L L E C T I N G   E X P E R I E N C E S

T H E N   Y O U ' R E   N O T   L I V I N G

S P A R K   Y O U R   P A S S I O N

Work, play, rest, repeat. 

Life can feel a little routine sometimes but it doesn’t take much to mix things up and break the mould. 

Tap into something that gets you excited and push yourself beyond the everyday. 

Who you are tomorrow, is born from what you experience today.

Are you an Experience Collector?

📷 Follow The Blackline by Lauren

xx

vulnerability is not weakness

I'm not good at being vulnerable;
showing vulnerability;
or even pronouncing the damn word correctly (if I'm completely honest).

vul·ner·a·ble  (vŭl′nər-ə-bəl) adj.

a. Susceptible to physical harm or damage: 

trees that are vulnerable to insects;

b. Susceptible to emotional injury, especially in being easily hurt: 

a lonely child who is vulnerable to teasing.

c. Susceptible to attack: 

"We are vulnerable both by water and land, without either fleet or army" (Alexander Hamilton).

d. Open to censure or criticism; assailable: 

The mayor is vulnerable to criticism on the issue.

VULNERABLE  =   SUSCEPTIBLE   =   DISADVANTAGE  =  EXPOSED  =  WEAK

Via Instagram  @TheGoodQuote

I blame Beyonce, Christina and Britney for their incessant singing about being a Survivor, Fighter and Stronger than yesterday for making vulnerability seem undesirable.

Their music taught girls (ok.. maybe just me) that we must we must be independent, fierce AND dirrty.

How come no one is singing about the strength of showing vulnerability ?

The raw truth of allowing the world (or even just that special someone) to see you for exactly who you are ?

Maybe if I had grown up with anthems that taught me that vulnerability is what connects one human to another, I wouldn't resist it so damn much!

OK.. probably not.

The walls I have built around me; and the barriers I have created have become somewhat of a joke among my closest friends.



- - -

"Her heart was a secret garden; 
And the walls were very high"

- - -



And whilst it may not be a direct result of singing pop lyrics into my hairbrush throughout my teens (and for many years later) -

My abstinence of vulnerability is real.

We should be teaching young girls that being ambitious, confident and intelligent is not mutually exclusive to showing vulnerability.

We should remind ourselves that closing ourselves off to the world in fear of showing vulnerability prohibits possibility.

We should be making a statement;
And shouting from the rooftops -


V U L N E R A B I L I T Y   I S   N O T   A   W E A K N E S S

xx

i bring the thunder

"I brought the thunder.. 

It's what I call it.

It's very effective at work.. Only it's totally inappropriate on a date.

I was nervous.

I didn't socialise much as a kid; I kind of spent all my time in books;

and you don't have to socialise with books...

So when I get nervous I tend to cover it up by talking a lot;

and being really loud. And definite. And being in charge...

So no one will see how scared I am.

And on our date I was terrified because you're very handsome and nice and you're great;

A N D   I ' M   D O R K Y .

I ' M   N E R D Y .

I ' M   M E ! 

So I brought the thunder!!!"

-- Maggie Pierce

Yup - I'm the girl who's still watching Grey's Anatomy 11 years after it first aired.

Furthermore - I'm the girl who can still relate to the characters on Grey's Anatomy in its 11th season...

Maggie Pierce. I get her.

And I too have my own version of The Thunder, which I have been know to unleash on unsuspecting victims.

I'm not good at dating.

I am awkward at small talk.

I can be the worlds worst Chatty Cathy.

And then I retreat like a turtle back into my shell.

Hopefully a little thunder isn't too scary.

And as they say -

A F T E R   E V E R Y   S T O R M   C O M E S   A   R A I N B O W

xx

one by one

"The lotus is the most beautiful flower,

whose petals open one by one. But it

will only grow in the mud. In order to

grow and gain wisdom, first you must

have the mud - the obstacles of life and

its suffering. The mud speaks of the

common ground that humans share, no

matter what our stations in life.

Whether we have it all or we have

nothing, we are all faced with the same

obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying

and death. If we are to strive as human

beings to gain more wisdom, more

kindness and more compassion, we must

have the intention to grow as a lotus

and open each petal one by one."

                                                               

                                                                 -- Goldie Hawn

dating dealbreakers [brought to you by that time i played on Tinder]

First of all ...

Don't roll your eyes / judge / pretend like you haven't played on Tinder yourself. 

Everyone's doing it.

Second of all ...

It lasted a week.

A week of swiping, and chatting, and swiping, and judging.

And then I realised -

I DON'T NEED TINDER TO ATTRACT WEIRDOS INTO MY LIFE.

I got it covered!!

But as if the tales of Tinder aren't entertaining enough on their own, 

I decided to bring some expertise to today's blog post;

So I have enlisted the help of none-other than my gal

B R I T N E Y   S P E A R S

*insert applause*

This post is not Tinder specific by any means..
It could apply to any online dating site (although I have no experience with those);
Or it might simply apply to a guys social media accounts or general day-to-day behaviour..


Let's start with :

T H E   L A M E   S E L F I E S

Gym selfies.

Shirtless selfies.

Shirtless gym selfies...

Urgh.

What these photos tell me :
This guy will never love anyone else as much as he loves himself.

U S I N G   P R O P S

Whether it's a puppy, an infant, a snake, or a tiger they have managed to coax into the photo;

My reaction is the same -

Is that really necessary?!

[Bonus points to the guy with the teacup pig though.. Did you know you can't get those in Australia?!]



T H E   S O F T    O P E N I N G   L I N E

'Hey'...

I literally have nothing to say to this.

P O S I N G   A S   A
" H U N T E R   /   G A T H E R E R "

Because how will I know that a guy is a manly man, able to provide for me, if he doesn't show evidence of that one time he caught a fish.

And then took off his shirt so he could take a photo with it.

T H E   O N E   L I N E R S

I'l leave this to your imagination, because this is not the place to repeat vulgar messages..

Obviously in an environment where I have the attention span of a 3-year old in a toy store, a guy needs to catch my attention.

Some guys are flirty, some are bold, and some are outright disgusting.

Very rarely did I pause and laugh at a creepy one-liner.

Except the guy who claimed to be "Harder than Chinese Maths"...

[I swiped left]

B E I N G   T H E   D U F F

There's a new term for this specific person in a friendship group.

The D.U.F.F. = Designated Ugly Fat Friend

And 99.9% of the time, the Tinder profile belongs to the ugly guy in the group photo.

This is not me being mean; this is science.

[It did make me wonder about the etiquette of swiping right to ask about the guy on the left in the second photo though...]

S H O W I N G  I   A M   N O T   R E Q U I R E D

This is kind of hard to explain..
Obviously I don't want to meet some guy who sits at home alone with his 5 cats every weekend..

 But if all photos include group shots of a guy with several hot female friends, I can't help but wonder why he isn't dating one of them.
Or assuming that he did at some point...
Or wants to...


Extra special mention to the guys who include a wedding pic as their photo;
in which it is evident that they were the groom.
You know what - Who am I to judge a person for being married before?!
But seriously? Using it as the profile pic?!
... Is this person still married? Does their wife know about their Secret Swiping?!


Need I say anything about the guy who chose to post a duck-face selfie...
with his mother vacuuming in the background?!

F A I L I N G   A T   E N G L I S H

I am very particular about spelling and grammar.

But even if I wasn't.. A grown man should know the difference between his
Your and You're; and
There; They're; Their.

These are the basics.

If nothing else - My week on Tinder provided some fantastic office gossip;
And made for great Show n Tell with my friends.

[Hot Tip : This isn't Snapchat - The screenshot is totally permitted]

And now we can all thank Britney for reminding us to keep our standards high.

The girl was once married for less time than I took to realise this app is not for me, and I would rather meet someone the old fashioned way -
Drunk and at the pub.

xx

the game of life

Sleep is evading me this week.

I have laid (lain?*) awake for 3 nights in a row frustrated that my thoughts have not slowed; my eyes have not become heavy; and I have not drifted into a restful slumber.

My current state of restlessness seems here to stay.

So here I am at 3am rehashing a recent conversation with a friend; in which I tried (in my sleep deprived state) to explain my belief that oftentimes we encounter obstacles in our lives from which we must learn a lesson, otherwise similar challenges will continue to present themselves in the future (again and again.. And again) until the lesson is learnt.

F R O M   L E A R N I N G   C O M E S   G R O W T H 

and perhaps

N O N E   C A N   G R O W   W I T H O U T   L E A R N I N G

In any case, I have recently identified a recurring pattern in my life;

And based on my aforementioned beliefs, I am quite certain that this is no mere coincidence - 

I am supposed to learn something from this experience.

ie. This situation is providing me with the opportunity to grow.

Caught in this cycle, I have realised life is kind of like a high-stakes game of messed-up Monopoly -

You have landed on the Chance Card.

If you roll a 6 - 

Advance token to significant Personal Growth;

If you fail to roll a 6 - 

Go back 3 spaces; Internalise your life decisions; Pay the bank $200; and Miss a Turn.

Then try again...

Cue internal screaming 

"W H A T ' S   T H E   [insert expletive]   L E S S O N ?!"

So... because I am on a roll (pun intended) with the game metaphors;

I can explain this frustration very simply - 

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES

(wait.. no, that's not it. haha.. #sorrynotsorry)

L I F E   I S   A   P U Z Z L E 

You have never seen a picture of the finished image; 

And you can't even be sure that you have all the right pieces.

Which brings me to my final piece of wisdom (at 4am...)

And ironically (because it certainly wasn't intentional)...

this little piece of advice is 100% applicable to the current challenge I have been battling.

And I am sure in the light of day it will make absolute sense to discard the ill-fitting pieces of my puzzle.

(One more analogy just for goodluck...)

Just as there are always a few extra, unnecessary parts in the little bag of nuts, bolts and screws that come with your flatpack IKEA furniture - 

Ill-fitting puzzle pieces in real-life add zero support to the overall structure; and are rarely worth hanging on to.

xx

*At this point - Who knows?!

the saddest word in the whole wide world

I could pretend that this post is the direct result of watching The Best of Me earlier today.. 

(A typical Nicholas Sparks girly tear-jerker for those playing at home)

But I'd be lying. 

And we're friends, so I'm not going to do that to you.

And honestly?

There's not much more I can say.

A L M O S T

 [awl -mohst]

adverb

1. very nearly, all but:

almost every house; almost the entire symphony; to pay almost nothing

 T H E   H O L L O W   L O N G I N G  ||  B E A U   T A P L I N

"There's something far worse
than missing a person you shared
a fraction of your life with.
And that is missing a person with
whom you did not.
For you will neither be allowed the 
pleasure of their memory, the echo of
their love, the warmth of knowing
that once upon a time you meant a damn,
you were of some importance, you will
not even be allowed the small joy
of a smile that comes with happening
upon a note they once wrote you in
the bottom of your drawer.
It is a sort of hollow longing,
a dreadful nostalgia for a thing
that never quite happened."

xx

five words is not enough

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words or less - 

What would you say??

Would you throw out some adjectives and hope they're interpreted the right way?

I N D E P E N D E N T

ie. Doesn't play well with others... (kidding....)

C R A Z Y

But not in an "I-Need-To-Be-Institutionalised kind of way"

L O Y A L

Or is this a term best left to describe the family dog?!

I N T E L L I G E N T

Just don't take me to a quiz night and expect me to know anything other than answers to the Pop Culture category

S A S S Y

aka Bitch. No not really... 

Ok.. Sort of.

Or would you try to narrow it down to one succinct sentence?

S E R I O U S L Y   F O C U S S E D;

O R   S U G A R - F I L L E D   C H I L D

Who clearly doesn't play by the rules, because that's 6 words, not 5...

And, yeah... If I'm excited, my levels of hyperactivity can be comparable to a four-year-old in a candy store.

Even if you told me there was no word limit, I don't think I could complete the task and be 100% satisfied with my answer.

It's a tough question.

And often, how we perceive ourselves, is not how we are seen by others.

But this quote by Victoria Erickson is a pretty accurate summary of me; 

Each time I read it, it becomes clearer that I could never pick 5 words to describe myself to a stranger.

The best I can come up with right now is - 

E Q U A L L Y   C O V E T S   R O U T I N E 

A N D   A D V E N T U R E

xx

b a l a n c e

OK, we are now two weeks into The New Year (eek! Can you believe it!?)

So first of all - I want to thank you for your patience because I am slack with the "regular posting" thing; 

And secondly - I want to preface this post with an apology for writing about a topic you've probably seen plastered all over social media since the countdown and fireworks at midnight on NYE.

Choosing a word for the year ahead.

Click on the link above to work through Susannah Conway's process* and read more about the concept of intention setting if you'd like some guidance and further understanding of the exercise.

Or.. close your eyes (maybe read the rest of my instructions first...)

And think of a word that you'd like to tuck away in your pocket (or scream from the rooftops if that's more your style) that will encompass the next 12 months of your life.

There's no judgement involved in this activity. 

Infact, you needn't share this word with anyone if you would prefer to keep it to yourself.

This process (for me anyway) was about finding a word that 'fit'. A word I won't grow out of over the course of the year, as we transition through seasons. A word that neither felt heavy and full of burden, or weightless and insignificant.

So without further ado... I present to you

M Y   W O R D   F O R   2 0 1 5

B A L A N C E

To be fair.. I did ruin the surprise a little by giving it away in the title of the post.. But hopefully you'll forgive me for that too.

I don't think I can sufficiently explain why this is The One. 

But this theme will be key in every aspect of my life.

Imagine a set of old-school scales; or a see-saw in a playground... 

Too much weight/attention/focus on one side and the other is sent shooting upwards; uneven; neglected.

My commitment to balance in 2015 is about

Work vs Life

Spend vs Save

Give vs Take

Sensible vs Silly

Rush vs Relax

All vs Nothing

Yin vs Yang

xx

*In the interest of full disclosure - I didn't follow Susannah's 5-step process. But she seems to know what she's talking about, so give it shot if you feel you might benefit...

you are not the lampshade

xx

the end of #funemployment

The past few months have been a whirl of fun and adventure.

But alas, voluntary funemployment* cannot last forever.

During my hiatus from the 'real' world, I have learnt the art of spontaneity and discovered the excitement of the unknown.

xx


*The condition of a person who takes advantage of being out of a job to have the time of their life.

back to reality

"This is why once you've traveled for the first time all you want to do is leave again. They call it the travel bug, but really it's the effort to return to a place where you are surrounded by people who speak the same language as you. Not English or Spanish or Mandarin or Portuguese, but that language where others know what it's like to leave, to go home again and feel more lost in your hometown than you did in the most foreign place you visited."

xx

tres bien, merci

T R A V E L   S O L O

T A K E   A   P A T I S S E R I E   C O U R S E   I N   P A R I S

M A K E   A   W I S H   I N   T H E   F O N T A N A   D E   T R E V I

L E A R N   T O   C O O K   I N   T U S C A N Y

I don't like the term 'Bucket List'. Instead, I feel that such a list is more of a long-term To Do List. And these four items are just a sample of a list I wrote several years ago when I was trying to figure out 'what happens next'; When I was trying to convince myself that I could survive my very own New Beginning.

Now, these are all things I plan on doing in the next three weeks.

I am off to Europe (Paris and Italy) on my very own adventure.

xx