the orange juice and milk theory

When I was younger, I looked up to my older (and only) sister.

Both physically because there's an (almost) 5 year age gap between us;

And emotionally, with adoration.

Don't get me wrong...

I still look up to her.

Literally. 

Because she is like, 6 foot tall or something; 

But also because I think she possesses amazing qualities that I envy.

She is energetic and wields an enthusiasm for life that is endearing and contagious.

I digress.

The point is - 

She's the Big Sister,

And as the Big Sister, it was her job to teach me things.

To impress her skills and knowledge upon me.

To share her wisdom, so that I could be cool

Just. Like. Her.

Insert the story about the time my cool Big Sister taught me that mixing orange juice and milk in a glass,
then sculling said concoction would cause excessive vomiting, 

thus ensuring you were guaranteed a Sick Day and wouldn't have to go to school.

Yes, it really happened.

No, she doesn't remember it.

We practically had to be on our death bed to be granted a day off school, 

So this was a fool proof plan.

AND (she assured me), 

Once you'd vommed a couple of times,

You'd feel fine;

So, could enjoy your day at home tucked up on the couch watching trashy day time tv.

She might have been a Child Genius...

I'm not dragging us all down Memory Lane for no reason BTW.

But simply to introduce you to 

T H E   O R A N G E   J U I C E   

A N D   M I L K   T H E O R Y

They simply don't go together.

Separately ?

No problems*.

(*Lactose intolerance excluded)

But together?

Not recommended.

Here's the core of my Theory - 

Some people are Orange Juice;

And others are Milk.

So what does that mean?

Well, they simply don't go together.


(For the record, my sis and I are more like a Vodka Orange combination...
The perfect mix of sweet and fun)

xx

afraid of love

I wanted to write a post about love to coincide with Valentine's Day.

Wanted to.

As in, kept sitting in front of my computer and staring at the screen.

Scrolling through Insta quotes and Pinterest Pins and not finding the perfect words around which I could form my thoughts.

Struggling.

A very quick self-evaluation would have me admit that this is because

I  D O N ' T   D O   F E E L I N G S

But honestly?

It's because I do!
But I never write about them here.

I write about fluffy stuff.
Don't I?!
My last post is about the complexities of modern dating in a world of situationships!
Other topics about which I choose write, I will happily (and endlessly) discuss/debate/deliberate.
With anybody.

And so, it soon became apparent that I am not suffering from an absence of feelings.
But quite the opposite.

I have recently become incredibly aware of who is reading these words.
My thoughts.
My opinions.
My feelings.

And all of a sudden, I am suffering from writers block.

And then I remembered this gem.

As I read this quote,, I am reminded of that time I wrote about vulnerability.
And that time I wrote about trust.

So perhaps I am writing about my feelings far more often than I admit to myself.

S H I T !

How did that even happen?!

And if that's the case, then why am I having such difficulty forming thoughts around what is arguably The Most Important Feeling Of Them All?

L O V E

The short answer?
(Also known as 'the brutally honest, shut-my-eyes-and-say-it-quick' answer)

Because I have spent so much time (and energy) avoiding it.


*Insert huge thank-goodness-I-finally-got-that-off-my-chest exhale here*

•

•

•

So suddenly I am dealing with writer's block and a brand new revelation, 
(Which ironically has come to me, only as I write...)
I think it's best if I allow someone else to reveal my feelings on my behalf...

Yup. Terrified of love. Right here. Me.

But now I'm publicly declaring that is all about to change.

Why?

Well let's all take a minute to remember my word and focus for the next 12 months*...

And then break it down nice and simple :

And if there's one way a person should love - 
It is fearlessly.



xx


*Bonus points to those who remembered what it was.

f e a r l e s s

Hello, my name is Andie

and I am Queen of the What Ifs.

You know - 

"Yeah... we could do that but what if...?"

I mean, I'm not running around town like Chicken Little 

(ie. screaming "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!")

But I am pretty thorough in evaluating all potential outcomes of a scenario, 

particularly the ones that could end in catastrophe.

I'm the girl who likes to have a Plan A and a Plan B.

Also a Plan C, D, E... 

Well.. You get the picture.

And so it is with great intrigue that upon choosing my word for 2016,

I started to see examples of it everywhere.

I hadn't even announced it to anyone yet.

But over the past few weeks, several people, in a variety of conversations about a range of topics have stopped me in my What If tracks and asked

A N D I E , W H A T ' S   T H E   W O R S T   

T H A T   C A N   H A P P E N ?

Answers to this question have varied depending on the scale of risk involved;

but the consensus is something like 

"I might look silly, but I'll get over it"

or 

"It doesn't work out... so then I move on".

I must admit -

even the worse case scenarios tend to be far over-shadowed by the excitement of potential of success.

And so, following on from my Word of the Year in 2015 - Balance - 

I am excited to unveil my word for 2016...

Yesterday, at the end of my Hot Yoga class, the teacher spoke to us about... yup, you guessed it ... 

FEAR.

Specifically her recent fears related to meeting with someone she had matched with on Tinder.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate that despite their calming voices and ultra-flexible bodies, 

Yoga Teachers are real humans too.

What struck me about her story,

(in addition to an ego-driven "See? Perky blonde yoga teachers struggle to find decent men too")

was that fear is relative.

We all have different fears.

These fears are the result of our own stories.

The stories we tell ourselves are not real.

So this year I am making a conscious effort to ditch the What If's.

This year is about being fearless.

xx

bee or wasp

Unlike the story of the Birds and the Bees.

This is a story of another kind.

This one's about Bee's and Wasp's.

It's easy to mistake one for the other.

Both have wings.

They fly.

And look kind of similar in passing.

Even if one is sitting right near you it can be hard to tell the difference.

Sometimes you have to get quite close to figure out what it really is.

You might spend some time with this creature.

Maybe even then it takes a while for you to realise.

Everyone can be categorised as either a Bee or a Wasp.

Just remember that one deserves your time; and the other does not.

xx

b a l a n c e

OK, we are now two weeks into The New Year (eek! Can you believe it!?)

So first of all - I want to thank you for your patience because I am slack with the "regular posting" thing; 

And secondly - I want to preface this post with an apology for writing about a topic you've probably seen plastered all over social media since the countdown and fireworks at midnight on NYE.

Choosing a word for the year ahead.

Click on the link above to work through Susannah Conway's process* and read more about the concept of intention setting if you'd like some guidance and further understanding of the exercise.

Or.. close your eyes (maybe read the rest of my instructions first...)

And think of a word that you'd like to tuck away in your pocket (or scream from the rooftops if that's more your style) that will encompass the next 12 months of your life.

There's no judgement involved in this activity. 

Infact, you needn't share this word with anyone if you would prefer to keep it to yourself.

This process (for me anyway) was about finding a word that 'fit'. A word I won't grow out of over the course of the year, as we transition through seasons. A word that neither felt heavy and full of burden, or weightless and insignificant.

So without further ado... I present to you

M Y   W O R D   F O R   2 0 1 5

B A L A N C E

To be fair.. I did ruin the surprise a little by giving it away in the title of the post.. But hopefully you'll forgive me for that too.

I don't think I can sufficiently explain why this is The One. 

But this theme will be key in every aspect of my life.

Imagine a set of old-school scales; or a see-saw in a playground... 

Too much weight/attention/focus on one side and the other is sent shooting upwards; uneven; neglected.

My commitment to balance in 2015 is about

Work vs Life

Spend vs Save

Give vs Take

Sensible vs Silly

Rush vs Relax

All vs Nothing

Yin vs Yang

xx

*In the interest of full disclosure - I didn't follow Susannah's 5-step process. But she seems to know what she's talking about, so give it shot if you feel you might benefit...

what if..

Let's jump straight in today...


- - - - -

'What if '  are two very powerful words..

What if instead of using them to haunt yourself with past regrets,you used them to build your future?

What if you changed your attitude and accomplished the impossible?

- - - - -


Did you feel it?


Goosebumps. Just. Happened.


I cannot explain to you how much I LOVE this quote. And what a timely reminder that I'm sure we can all resonate with on some level no matter what our current situation or circumstances.

Perspective is everything, my friends.

Oh possibilities!

Happy weekend.

what if..?!

xx

name one of your biggest regrets in life..

That's not a trick question.

Nor is it one on which you should spend too much time dwelling.

If you have any regrets, I think the thoughts/memories/emotion will flood you the moment you read the title of this post.

It can be an easy question to avoid.. 

Unless it is one of the questions you are asked to respond to in a job application, as I was.

N A M E   O N E   O F   Y O U R   B I G G E S T   R E G R E T S   I N   L I F E

*WOAH*

How does one answer that question to a potential employer?!

Well, right or wrong, I answered the exact same way I would if you asked me over a glass of vino at the bar...

~  ~  ~

For this question I looked up ‘regret’ because to me it is a very strong word that at first glance, I would answer with ‘I have no regrets’.

But Google tells me it is - a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.

To which I respond, ‘there are a few’…

But first let me set the scene for you… I met my ex-husband when I was 18. In my first semester of uni, at my first job out of high school. We met at Coles. I was a Check-Out Chick. Our story spans seven years - We met, we fell in love, we bought property, moved in together, got engaged, renovated our house, adopted a fur baby (Yup – Miss Emmy is a child of divorce), had a beautiful wedding, and lived a 'normal' married life.

I don’t regret the any of that. Infact, I try not to regret any of the things that I have done.

But I do regret things that I didn’t do.

And I didn’t travel.

I didn’t take a gap year after high school and backpack around Europe.

I didn’t do a Contiki Tour across America.

I didn’t participate in the exchange program at uni and spend a semester in Canada – skiing Whistler, making new friends, expanding my horizons.

I didn’t even go on spontaneous Girls Weekends within Australia.

I didn’t do any of these adventurous things, because I had  Fallen. In. Love.

My ex-husband and I didn’t travel overseas at all whilst we were together. As all our time and money was spent on things, rather than experiences.

And for that, I have a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction.... Regret.

~  ~  ~

Since writing that response in my job application, I came across this quote - 

Sums it up nicely, don't you think?

xx

quitting vs giving up

Over the last four or so weeks, I have given this topic a lot of thought..

Disagree with me if you will, but atleast hear me out first.

It'll be like a one-sided debate.
(Unless you want to get involved by leaving a comment...)

Here's the topic -


There is a difference between 'quitting' and 'giving up'.

To give up is to surrender. To let adversity, or difficulty, or even a little challenge discourage you.

Giving up hurts (at least) twice - once when you do it; and again at a later date when you think back and wish you hadn't.

On the other hand - 

Quitting is empowering.
To quit is to make a choice to move on to something else; something better.

Quitting can be difficult, but in certain circumstances it is the right thing to do.

* * *

Society has taught us to perceive quitting with negative connotations. Nobody wants to be thought of as a 'quitter'. We often think of quitting as failure. We commend people for carrying on through difficulty. We fear judgement of our actions from family, friends and colleagues. So we stick with things that don’t make us happy because we feel we like we should.

We have been brought up with this focus on perseverance rather than purposefulness. 
If you're sticking with something just to prove something then it's a bit pointless...

Have you ever felt that feeling in your gut that the path you are on is now wrong for you?

It takes a lot of courage to admit that, even to yourself, let alone to the rest of the world. Sometimes you have to leave the current path and find a new one. Or, if there is no new path to be found, create a new one.

This can apply to so many aspects of life — home, work, education, family, friends, relationships, and habits.

It's the opposite of what we're all told.

Have you ever felt trapped?

Make a change in your life.

Don’t waste your time on a path that feels wrong; on something that is compromising your happiness.

Don’t fear the stigma.

QUIT.

Embrace the change.

Quitting does not make you weak. It means you are brave enough to change what isn't right.

xx

so... i'm jumping off the hamster wheel

This time next week I will be unemployed.

That sentence scares the pants off me and sends a rush of excitement through me all at the same time.

As I'm sure it does in any work environment, the news of my resignation spread through the office like wild fire, and soon after, I was faced with a number of questions from my colleagues, including the obvious -
"So, where are you going next?"

The thing is - I'm just not sure yet. My plan is sketchy at best.

I am met with many blank faces when I honestly admit the unknown.

And believe me - I would probably be a little too quick to judge if someone told me the same news with the same lack of conviction.

Because, let's face it - it is very rare for anyone to "simply" quit their job without a plan. Or a lotto windfall.

Since I have neither, let me be the first to admit that this was no simple decision.

I am still fighting my inner Logical Andie every single day. For a long time, she has been in charge around here. And she judges me more than anyone I know..

But my new plan is to have no plan.

I have had plans in the past, but these often come with expectations, and well, sometimes where there is expectation, there is disappointment.

The reasoning behind my decision to jump off the hamster wheel probably doesn't make sense to many people. But for once in my life, I have decided to leap into the unknown.

Wish me luck.

xx

little miss contradiction

Contradiction

con·tra·dic·tion  [kon-truh-dik-shuhn] 

noun

the act of contradicting; gainsaying or opposition.

assertion of the contrary or opposite; denial.

a statement or proposition that contradicts or denies another or itself and is logically incongruous.

direct opposition between things compared; inconsistency.

I dream of conquering the world but I don't think I am smart/determined/motivated enough

I am a cat person who owns a dog

I love comfy pjs and twirling in skirts

My memory is terrible but I don't forget lyrics to songs

I have a 'don't mess with me attitude' but can cry for days

I am known to be 'girly' but my wardrobe is black

I love absorbing the suns rays but yearn to play in the snow

I will offer advice but rarely want to hear it

I want the freedom of travel but the foundation of 'home'

I want to prove my independence but long to be loved

I am strong and stubborn but vulnerable and emotional

I want to jump out of planes but I am scared of heights

I hate confrontation but am passionate about my beliefs

I drink green juices for breakfast and wine for my dinner

I crave uninhibited passion but fear for my heart

I want to snuggle all day and dance all night

I like structure but resent nine-to-five

I am quick to learn but slow to trust

I resist change but continue to search for something

I stress about finances but I have just quit my job

I embrace doing nothing and then worry about wasted time

I'm an organised list writer with a cluttered mind

That's me - a whole complex package

xx

why i can't settle

Sometimes starting a blog post is the hardest part. There are so many thoughts in my head that I struggle to communicate them to my fingers and type anything coherent.

Usually, once I have begun, the words flow from me with ease. 

And most often, the message I thought I was trying to convey in the beginning is not at all where it ends up.

But that's my point today. It's a new concept I am learning to understand, accept and embrace - 

It's OK to veer off path

It's OK to change your mind.

You have the freedom to reconsider any and all aspects of your life - from simple things like what you want for breakfast today, or which direction you're going to take on your morning walk; To larger plans like where you'll spend Christmas; To life changing ideas like where you want to live; work, play; and with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life.

In life, we stick with plans because we feel like we have made a commitment (either to ourselves or to others). Most of the time we are afraid to change our plans unless there is something terribly wrong so that we can justify our decision to anyone who dares question our motives to seek something new. But you know what? Just because it's a good, solid, plan - doesn't mean it's right for you, or right for now.

Occasionally, we stop to identify that the plan we thought we had signed, sealed and delivered turns out to be inadequate or less than desirable or maybe something just isn't right. In this moment, we realise we are missing a major component in our lives. Maybe we have become complacent? Maybe we didn't consider our options in the past because they just didn't seem possible?

When we refuse to change direction for any reason (fear being the most common) - 

We are settling.

And we should never settle.

Nelson Mandela

Why should live an ordinary life, when we are capable of being extraordinary?

xx

redefining success

I have been sitting on this post for several weeks now. Jotting down my thoughts and spending some time letting my own self judgement swirl around in my mind, letting my opinions form, then change, then reconsidering my previous assumptions.

So here I am. Ready to talk about the definitions of 'success' and 'failure'.

I have posted about feeling like a failure in the past. But today I ponder failure of a more general kind. 

Life failure.

What does it actually mean to fail? In exams, it’s black and white

and easy to understand.

But in life ... it’s ambiguous because success is 

often about meeting a set of criteria created by a person or a 

group of people whose opinions differ from your own.

- Here

If the opposite of failure is success, then what exactly does that mean?

If you ask society to determine if you're successful it is easy - 

On paper, I was 'successful' in my early 20's.

Uni Degree  ✔️

Job  ✔️

Husband  ✔️

House  ✔️

Dog  ✔️

Tick; Tick; Tick.


But back then, I was (unknowingly) living a life with blinkers on, like a Clydesdale horse - focused on the path ahead, blindly heading from 'here' to 'there'. 

Yes, I was ticking the boxes and yes, I was feeling satisfied that I was succeeding. But in hindsight, these goals were self imposed priorities that were previously determined by societal expectations and I didn't really stop to wonder if I was on the right path for me.




You know why?

Because I was 100% focused on being who I 'should' be.



WHO MAKES THESE RULES?!


Those who know me in 'real life' know I have been challenging this concept for months. 
If you know me really well.. you know I have been quietly struggling with this concept for YEARS!


But I have come to a life changing realisation that is - 

Failure is what happens when you feel disconnected from who 

you really are.

This means (in a very harsh and judgmental way) that I had failed more than a marriage by the ripe age of 25.

*oops!*

[Edit: After a conversation with my sister about this very topic, I have acknowledged that I know I haven't failed at life, but I was definitely doing all the things I was 'supposed' to do rather than figuring out who I am and what I want. As a 'wife' I made sacrifices because that's what I thought marriage and compromise was all about. Happily, I now know that if/when I ever choose to become a 'wife' again, I will not lose myself in the process. HIGH FIVE!]
Sidenote - I think I have come up with a new blog topic - "Thing that my marriage and subsequent breakdown taught me".. 
But I'll leave that for another day!


So now I am focused on a brand new kind of success.

I am throwing out the rigid and inflexible concept of the word and embracing a new theory.

Success is love.

Self love first and foremost.

Love yourself. Love what you are doing. Love where you are. Love where you have been.

And if you don't - then make a change.

Because your life should not be spend striving for someone else's ideal of success.


~ ~ ~


I'm not done with this topic. I still have a long way to go.

It's not easy to challenge society. And it sure as hell isn't easy to challenge yourself.

I am currently fighting my own internal dialect Every. Damn. Day.


xx

know or feel

To put into words how I am feeling today is difficult, because as I type, I edit my thoughts and then they fall onto the page wrong and don't even resemble my initial thought.

What a mess.

But this quote has resonated with me because it describes where I am right now. 

here

I am currently a Work In Progress toward embracing my True Self.

My judgmental self has trouble admitting that in such a public forum.

But it is what it is.

I am breaking down barriers of what I have believed for many years and reinventing myself.

It sounds crazy.

It sounds impossible.

It's certainly not easy.

But I am doing it.

My biggest struggle is to challenge what I know to be true because those thoughts are learned, they are ingrained, they are in alignment with societal perception and they make sense to me. I have lived them for as long as I can remember.

And now I am consciously letting them go, to make room for new thoughts based on my True Self.

For me, embracing my True Self means moving beyond my self-prescribed limitations.

Pushing through mental barriers which I have in the past allowed me to give up.

Because the truth is - 
Beliefs are just thoughts we keep thinking.

So everything that I thought I knew was just habitual thinking; which means that it is entirely possible to change my thinking and develop new beliefs.

It will take some time. But only then will what I know be a true reflection of what I feel.

And then, I will be living a life that is honouring my truth.


xx

it's about the J word...

I have found myself making excuses for this little blog of late.

Along the lines of -

"It's about baking.

Sort of.

Well.. it was once upon a time..

Now it's kind of like a journal.

Except not lame.

But it's not very exciting.

You probably wouldn't be interested...."

Here's the thing - 

This blog is about my life.

It always has been.

When my life changes focus, so does the blog.

When I bake, I tell you about it.

When I don't.. well, I have other stuff to share!

My blog evolves the same way my life does. 

There used to be a plan. But plans change.

And so I adapt accordingly.

Get your shot glasses ready*...

It's a JOURNEY.

And right now, in this little game called life, I am on one hell of a ride as I discover things I never knew about myself.

I am exploring concepts and ideas that I never imagined.

I am becoming the truest version of myself than I have ever been.

Pinned HERE

So, from now on, when asked to summarise this little blog?

Well, it's just about LIFE.

Cupcakes and all.

xx

* You know - Have a shot every time someone says the word 'Journey' on a reality TV show?!... 

No? 

Ok.. Just me then.