Wednesday, 22 April 2015

i support the #selfie

Selfie  [sel-fee]
a photograph that one takes of oneself with a digital camera or a front-facing smartphone, tablet, or webcam, especially for posting on a social-networking or photo-sharing website.

The selfie...
Love 'em; Hate 'em.
Everyone has an opinion.

For the record -

I   S U P P O R T   T H E   # S E L F I E

Sure, it's easy to look down your nose and claim narcissism at those who hold their camera phone aloft and strike a pose..
And of course I think there's a distinct difference between an innocent selfie and a blatant effort at amateur p0rn..

But the selfie appeals to my Type-A personality -
It gives me the ability to appear in photos, on my own terms.

And with the ability to control the angle/my appearance/the filter (!) comes a confidence I had never experienced before.

I T ' S   E M P O W E R I N G

Because (believe it or not) I was once the girl who flat out refused to be in a photo.
In fact, until the rise of the selfie, finding a photo of me other than those mandatory school photos or mother-enforced family snaps is near impossible.

There's a solid chunk of my life when I hid behind the camera.

"Selfies aren’t as simple as self-absorbed snapshots. In documenting ourselves, we’re documenting the ways our most important relationships have shaped us. By documenting ourselves, we’re valuing the intrinsic good that we bring to the lives of others... We’re humans that are loved and love. That make funny jokes, and have good hair sometimes, and make awesome lipstick choices."
-- Meg Keene

‪#‎wellsaid ‪#‎isupporttheselfie ‪#‎proselfie ‪#‎becausegoodlipstickshouldbecelebrated

Scroll through the camera roll on my phone and you'll discover it is full of selfies.
Some document a cute outfit, or capture a good hair day;
There are a good portion in which Miss Emmy plays the selfie game too...
Others are snapped in a moment to later remind me of an event or experience.

My photos document the life I’m living, right in this moment.

To me, that's not narcissism or vanity;
It's the preservation of memories. It's human nature.

And that's why I support the #selfie


Sidenote: If you're looking for an entertaining tv show to binge on this winter -
Check out Selfie.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

dating dealbreakers [brought to you by that time i played on Tinder]

First of all ...
Don't roll your eyes / judge / pretend like you haven't played on Tinder yourself. 
Everyone's doing it.

Second of all ...
It lasted a week.
A week of swiping, and chatting, and swiping, and judging.

And then I realised -
I got it covered!!

But as if the tales of Tinder aren't entertaining enough on their own, 
I decided to bring some expertise to today's blog post;
So I have enlisted the help of none-other than my gal

B R I T N E Y   S P E A R S

*insert applause*

This post is not Tinder specific by any means..

It could apply to any online dating site (although I have no experience with those);
Or it might simply apply to a guys social media accounts or general day-to-day behaviour..

Let's start with :

T H E   L A M E   S E L F I E S

Gym selfies.

Shirtless selfies.

Shirtless gym selfies...


What these photos tell me :

This guy will never love anyone else as much as he loves himself.

U S I N G   P R O P S

Whether it's a puppy, an infant, a snake, or a tiger they have managed to coax into the photo;
My reaction is the same -

Is that really necessary?!

[Bonus points to the guy with the teacup pig though.. Did you know you can't get those in Australia?!]

T H E   S O F T    O P E N I N G   L I N E


I literally have nothing to say to this.

P O S I N G   A S   A

" H U N T E R   /   G A T H E R E R "

Because how will I know that a guy is a manly man, able to provide for me, if he doesn't show evidence of that one time he caught a fish.

And then took off his shirt so he could take a photo with it.

T H E   O N E   L I N E R S

I'l leave this to your imagination, because this is not the place to repeat vulgar messages..

Obviously in an environment where I have the attention span of a 3-year old in a toy store, a guy needs to catch my attention.

Some guys are flirty, some are bold, and some are outright disgusting.

Very rarely did I pause and laugh at a creepy one-liner.

Except the guy who claimed to be "Harder than Chinese Maths"...

[I swiped left]

B E I N G   T H E   D U F F

There's a new term for this specific person in a friendship group.

The D.U.F.F. = Designated Ugly Fat Friend

And 99.9% of the time, the Tinder profile belongs to the ugly guy in the group photo.

This is not me being mean; this is science.

[It did make me wonder about the etiquette of swiping right to ask about the guy on the left in the second photo though...]

S H O W I N G  I   A M   N O T   R E Q U I R E D

This is kind of hard to explain..

Obviously I don't want to meet some guy who sits at home alone with his 5 cats every weekend..

 But if all photos include group shots of a guy with several hot female friends, I can't help but wonder why he isn't dating one of them.

Or assuming that he did at some point...
Or wants to...

Extra special mention to the guys who include a wedding pic as their photo;

in which it is evident that they were the groom.
You know what - Who am I to judge a person for being married before?!
But seriously? Using it as the profile pic?!
... Is this person still married? Does their wife know about their Secret Swiping?!

Need I say anything about the guy who chose to post a duck-face selfie...

with his mother vacuuming in the background?!

F A I L I N G   A T   E N G L I S H

I am very particular about spelling and grammar.

But even if I wasn't.. A grown man should know the difference between his

Your and You're; and
There; They're; Their.

These are the basics.

If nothing else - My week on Tinder provided some fantastic office gossip;

And made for great Show n Tell with my friends.

[Hot Tip : This isn't Snapchat - The screenshot is totally permitted]

And now we can all thank Britney for reminding us to keep our standards high.

The girl was once married for less time than I took to realise this app is not for me, and I would rather meet someone the old fashioned way -

Drunk and at the pub.


Friday, 3 April 2015


Thought of the Day: 

W O M E N   A R E   B I T C H E S *

* to themselves

Ever wondered what it would sound like if your inner critic spoke out loud?

Dove France have launched an ad campaign based on the hideous things we say to ourselves.

The dialogue for this ad was made by asking women on the street to record their most personal thoughts about their bodies.

These criticisms were then scripted into a conversation between two women in a cafe, with the original women within earshot to hear all the ugly things they had said about themselves, directed at someone else.


If it's not acceptable to say it to someone else,


The way my eyes sparkle when I am excited; 
and show raw emotion when I am hurt.



Thursday, 2 April 2015

the game of life

Sleep is evading me this week.

I have laid (lain?*) awake for 3 nights in a row frustrated that my thoughts have not slowed; my eyes have not become heavy; and I have not drifted into a restful slumber.

My current state of restlessness seems here to stay.

So here I am at 3am rehashing a recent conversation with a friend; in which I tried (in my sleep deprived state) to explain my belief that oftentimes we encounter obstacles in our lives from which we must learn a lesson, otherwise similar challenges will continue to present themselves in the future until the lesson is learnt.

F R O M   L E A R N I N G   C O M E S   G R O W T H 

and perhaps

N O N E   C A N   G R O W   W I T H O U T   L E A R N I N G

In any case, I have recently identified a recurring pattern in my life;
And based on my aforementioned beliefs, I am quite certain that this is no mere coincidence - 
I am supposed to learn something from this experience.

ie. This situation is providing me with the opportunity to grow.

Kind of like a high-stakes game of messed-up Monopoly -
You have landed on the Chance Card.
If you roll a 6 - 
Advance token to significant Personal Growth;
If you fail to roll a 6 - 
Go back 3 spaces; Internalise your life decisions; Pay the bank $200; and Miss a Turn.
Then try again...

Cue internal screaming 

"W H A T ' S   T H E   [insert expletive]   L E S S O N ?!"

So... because I am on a roll (Badum-tish! ♬♬) with the game metaphors;
I can explain this frustration very simply - 

(wait.. no, that's not it. haha.. #sorrynotsorry)

L I F E   I S   A   P U Z Z L E 
You have never seen a picture of the finished image; 
And you can't even be sure that you have all the right pieces.

Which brings me to my final piece of wisdom (at 4am...)

Life Puzzle Quote - Don't force the pieces that don't fit  :: STARTS WITH CUPCAKES

And ironically (because it certainly wasn't intentional)...
this little piece of advice is 100% applicable to the current challenge I have been battling.
And I am sure in the light of day it will make absolute sense to discard the ill-fitting pieces of my puzzle.

(One more analogy just for goodluck...)
Just as there are always a few extra, unnecessary parts in the little bag of nuts, bolts and screws that come with your flatpack IKEA furniture - 
Ill-fitting puzzle pieces in real-life add zero support to the overall structure; and are rarely worth hanging on to.


*At this point - Who knows?!

Sunday, 22 March 2015

the saddest word in the whole wide world

I could pretend that this post is the direct result of watching The Best of Me earlier today.. 
(A typical Nicholas Sparks girly tear-jerker for those playing at home)
But I'd be lying. 
And we're friends, so I'm not going to do that to you.
And honestly?
There's not much more I can say.

 [awl -mohst]
1. very nearly, all but:
almost every house; almost the entire symphony; to pay almost nothing

 T H E   H O L L O W   L O N G I N G  ||  B E A U   T A P L I N

"There's something far worse
than missing a person you shared
a fraction of your life with.
And that is missing a person with
whom you did not.
For you will neither be allowed the 
pleasure of their memory, the echo of
their love, the warmth of knowing
that once upon a time you meant a damn,
you were of some importance, you will
not even be allowed the small joy
of a smile that comes with happening
upon a note they once wrote you in
the bottom of your drawer.
It is a sort of hollow longing,
a dreadful nostalgia for a thing
that never quite happened."


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