afraid of love

I wanted to write a post about love to coincide with Valentine's Day.

Wanted to.

As in, kept sitting in front of my computer and staring at the screen.

Scrolling through Insta quotes and Pinterest Pins and not finding the perfect words around which I could form my thoughts.

Struggling.

A very quick self-evaluation would have me admit that this is because

I  D O N ' T   D O   F E E L I N G S

But honestly?

It's because I do!
But I never write about them here.

I write about fluffy stuff.
Don't I?!
My last post is about the complexities of modern dating in a world of situationships!
Other topics about which I choose write, I will happily (and endlessly) discuss/debate/deliberate.
With anybody.

And so, it soon became apparent that I am not suffering from an absence of feelings.
But quite the opposite.

I have recently become incredibly aware of who is reading these words.
My thoughts.
My opinions.
My feelings.

And all of a sudden, I am suffering from writers block.

And then I remembered this gem.

As I read this quote,, I am reminded of that time I wrote about vulnerability.
And that time I wrote about trust.

So perhaps I am writing about my feelings far more often than I admit to myself.

S H I T !

How did that even happen?!

And if that's the case, then why am I having such difficulty forming thoughts around what is arguably The Most Important Feeling Of Them All?

L O V E

The short answer?
(Also known as 'the brutally honest, shut-my-eyes-and-say-it-quick' answer)

Because I have spent so much time (and energy) avoiding it.


*Insert huge thank-goodness-I-finally-got-that-off-my-chest exhale here*

•

•

•

So suddenly I am dealing with writer's block and a brand new revelation, 
(Which ironically has come to me, only as I write...)
I think it's best if I allow someone else to reveal my feelings on my behalf...

Yup. Terrified of love. Right here. Me.

But now I'm publicly declaring that is all about to change.

Why?

Well let's all take a minute to remember my word and focus for the next 12 months*...

And then break it down nice and simple :

And if there's one way a person should love - 
It is fearlessly.



xx


*Bonus points to those who remembered what it was.

so many ships in the harbour

Once upon a time, before mobile phones became a miniature computer with the means to keep you ultra-connected to anyone at anytime... Dating was (apparently) very simple.

Boy meets girl; 

Boy likes girl; 

Boy asks girl out on a date 

(Classic Combo: Dinner and a movie).

Insert montage of super romantic activities like wine tasting and mini-golf*.

(NB. Super Romantic Montage does not involve Boy sending Girl endless text messages (and snapchats and tagging her in endless memes on Facebook or Instagram) but rarely actually interacting with her face to face.. Except for random appearances on her door step well after a 'reasonable hour' and slipping back out under the cover of darkness right before dawn.)

Or so I've heard...

This probably the most accurate thing I have read all year.

"Situationships?!" I hear you ask.

Yes. They're a thing.

Relationships, Situationships, Textationships...

Present day dating requires you to learn a whole new lexicon*.

Allow the girls from The Hills and I to educate you.

Let's start with the basics...

F R I E N D S H I P

A state of mutual trust and support.
A promise to help someone no matter the circumstances, subsequently proven by actions.

R E L A T I O N S H I P

Any type of connection that brings two individuals together for a period of time.

Something other than a friends with benefits.

More than a mutual understanding!!

S I T U A T I O N S H I P

A situationship is kinda like a relationship, but more of a situation.

Friends with benefits are in a situationship.

People that are a 'thing' are in a situationship.

T E X T A T I O N S H I P

A friendly, romantic, sexual or intimate relationship, either brief or long-term, between two people whereby text messaging is utilized as the primary form of communication.

A relationship bound strictly to text messages with the absence of an actual physical connection, including but not limited to dates, sex, etc.
One may use pictures, Facebook, or sexts, but it is strictly a screen-based relationship.

E - F L I R T I N G

When someone is great at online communication

(such as sending flirtatious emails and text messages)

but never actually gets the courage to hang out with you in person.

A way to pretend you are in a relationship with someone without actually seeing them.

Sure... It seems innocent enough...

G A M E  P L A Y E R
A person that plays games, like mind games with others

C O N F U S I O N

Uncertainty about what is happening, intended or required.

The state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something.

G H O S T I N G
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone with whom you are in a 'ship' (friendship, relationship, situationship).
This is done in the hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

S L O W  F A D E

Unlike ghosting, the slow fade is a more gradual way of cutting off communication with someone. 

The slow fade is when you begin to respond/interact less and less until you stop talking altogether.

       

J E R K
An obnoxious, arrogant, self-centered male who women can't seem to get enough of.

S I L L Y  G I R L

When a person of the female gender, behaves in a silly manner.

A F
AF stands for “as fuck.”
But it is commonly used to describe someone who is super single.
So, someone is “single AF.”

L O V E

A strong feeling of affection.

The act of caring and giving to someone else.

Having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority in your life.

Either a horrible disease or a blessing.

A D V I C E
Guidance or recommendations offered with regard to prudent action,
Usually offered by concerned friends and family,
Often ignored or disregarded.

xx

*Definitions adapted from Urban Dictionary

covered in freckles

A half eaten packet of freckles;
and a craving for something sweet to dunk in my peppermint tea.

That's all it took to inspire my latest batch of cookies.

F R E C K L E S   C O O K I E S

200g butter, softened
1 cup caster sugar
1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla essence

2 1/4 cups plain flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

Chocolate freckles

Preheat oven to 180C and line baking trays with baking paper.

Place butter and sugar into a bowl and beat until pale and creamy. Add egg and vanilla and beat well.

Sift in flour and baking powder and mix to form a dough.

Roll dough into balls and place onto baking tray.

Lightly flatten, then press a chocolate freckle into top of each.

Bake 10-12 min or until lightly golden

Set aside on wire racks to cool.
Store in an airtight container.
Or eat them all... Whatever.

xx

f e a r l e s s

Hello, my name is Andie

and I am Queen of the What Ifs.

You know - 

"Yeah... we could do that but what if...?"

I mean, I'm not running around town like Chicken Little 

(ie. screaming "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!")

But I am pretty thorough in evaluating all potential outcomes of a scenario, 

particularly the ones that could end in catastrophe.

I'm the girl who likes to have a Plan A and a Plan B.

Also a Plan C, D, E... 

Well.. You get the picture.

And so it is with great intrigue that upon choosing my word for 2016,

I started to see examples of it everywhere.

I hadn't even announced it to anyone yet.

But over the past few weeks, several people, in a variety of conversations about a range of topics have stopped me in my What If tracks and asked

A N D I E , W H A T ' S   T H E   W O R S T   

T H A T   C A N   H A P P E N ?

Answers to this question have varied depending on the scale of risk involved;

but the consensus is something like 

"I might look silly, but I'll get over it"

or 

"It doesn't work out... so then I move on".

I must admit -

even the worse case scenarios tend to be far over-shadowed by the excitement of potential of success.

And so, following on from my Word of the Year in 2015 - Balance - 

I am excited to unveil my word for 2016...

Yesterday, at the end of my Hot Yoga class, the teacher spoke to us about... yup, you guessed it ... 

FEAR.

Specifically her recent fears related to meeting with someone she had matched with on Tinder.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate that despite their calming voices and ultra-flexible bodies, 

Yoga Teachers are real humans too.

What struck me about her story,

(in addition to an ego-driven "See? Perky blonde yoga teachers struggle to find decent men too")

was that fear is relative.

We all have different fears.

These fears are the result of our own stories.

The stories we tell ourselves are not real.

So this year I am making a conscious effort to ditch the What If's.

This year is about being fearless.

xx

what happens to me if i fail your test?

Connection [noun]

a relationship in which a person or thing is linked or associated with something else.

Attraction [noun]
the action or power of evoking interest in or liking for someone or something.
a quality or feature that evokes interest, liking, or desire.

Trust [noun]

firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

 Love [noun]

a strong feeling of affection.

Being able to identify and experience these emotions is what makes us innately human...

.

.

.

Isn't it??

Do yourself a favour this weekend;

Pour a glass of wine, cook some popcorn and settle in for a movie night.

The movie?

E X   M A C H I N A

I'd never heard of it when I watched it and I'm thankful I had no expectations.

I don't want to say too much...
Even though I talked about it to anyone who would listen for days.

Hands down - One of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

And now I've learnt that it's up for a whole bunch of awards.

Critics Choice Awards

Best Original Screenplay

Best Visual Effects

Best Sci-Fi/Horror Movie - WINNER

Oscar Nominations

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Best Achievement in Visual Effects

Golden Globe Nominations

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture - Alicia Vikander 

And when you've seen it - Let me know so we can chat.




xx

dear universe

Things people have said to me in the past week that I refuse to believe :

"Living it and dreaming it is different"
- The response to my confession that I am a dreamer with big ideas and lofty aspirations.


"You've had too many holidays in the past few months"
- Someone who I have promptly eliminated from my life.


"It is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it."
- A colleague on going to work in a corporate office environment and clock watching from 9 til 5 Monday to Friday and working for the weekend.


- - -


I've long believed there is more to life than the daily grind of the corporate hampster wheel,
so in the spirit of the New Year and inspired by books, emails and certain individuals,
I am openly proclaiming to the universe that this is the year that I start to manifest my dreams.

D I D   Y O U   K N O W ?

It is estimated that 98 out of 100 persons who are dissatisfied with their world do not have a clear picture in their minds of the world they would like for themselves?

People drift aimlessly through life, dissatisfied, struggling against a great many things, but without a clear-cut goal.

So, Dear Universe, as the sun sets on another weekend; 

And I prepare for my second week back at work in 2016, 

Please hear me when I say that I no longer want to feel trapped by my reality.

And this little blog, which currently provides me with an escape, is the catalyst to this change.

The ability to blog when and wherever I want has made me look around at so many inspirational women who are successfully achieving their dreams.

So here's to taking baby steps toward achieving my dreams.

And toward the growth of this little blog in the next 12 months and beyond.

Because there's no such thing as travelling too much or being 'stuck' in a job, life or situation.

xx

2016

Can you believe it's been a year since I wrote these words?!

*Insert cliched commentary about how 2015 was literally over in the blink of an eye; etc; etc.*

Actually, upon reflection 2015 was probably 

M Y   F A V O U R I T E   Y E A R   E V E R

I'll be the first to admit that I have the memory of a goldfish..

So it is at the end of the year (or beginning of a new one, as the case may be),

that I am thankful for this little corner of cyberspace,

where I come to write my thoughts and download my memories or moments.

Lucky I do.. 

Because it means I will never forget some of stuff that has shaped me; 

helped me grow;

and made a better person etc etc.. 

in the past 12 months.

Like the time;

I made a Wedding Cake 

I went on a date.. that made me never want to date again

I realised I am an optimist

An 'almost' broke my heart

Miss Emmy started an Insta account

(and has since surpassed me in her number of followers...)

I jumped on the #selfie bandwagon

I played Tinder

I made a cheesecake with 1 KILO of cheese

I wrote this post just so I could google Hot Guys

I sounded smart. Because math.

I discovered the meaning of life. In a beer ad.

I justified my Resting Bitch Face

I turned 30. And didn't have a breakdown

So   T H A N K Y O U   2015.

And here's to 2016...

xx

christmas is a time for cake

It's Christmas Eve!!!

How did that even happen?

I am completely unprepared for Christmas this year...

Presents? Haven't bought any..

Baking? Umm.. Sorry family, but I've got nothing for you this year...

I do however, have something I prepared earlier for you, lovely readers :)

A  C A N D Y  C A N E  C A K E

(Proudly brought to you by 2014 Andie who was obviously far more festive and prepared...)

220g butter

220g dark chocolate, chopped

125g self-raising flour

125g plain flour

50g unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 tsp bicarb soda

480g caster sugar

4 eggs

7 tsps vegetable oil

100ml buttermilk.

Preheat your oven to 160C.

Melt the butter and chocolate in a saucepan with 160ml of water

Sift the flours, cocoa and bicarb soda into a large bowl

Stir in the sugar

Add combined egg, oil and buttermilk

Then stir in the chocolate mixture until completely combined

Pour mixture into greased cake tin and pop into the oven

Bake for 1 hour 40 minutes

Frost with cream cheese frosting, flavoured with a little peppermint essence;

Sprinkle with crushed candy canes;

and poke a few in the top for decoration.

M E R R Y  C H R I S T M A S !

xx

goodbye 20's

Social media is flooded today with everyone making a big deal about it being the First of December.

Obviously, this is newsworthy because it's The First Day of Summer.

But for me it marks the end of Birthday Month.

Let's all take a moment of silence and let that sink in.


*

*

*

B I R T H D A Y   M O N T H   I S   O F F I C I A L L Y   O V E R

Oh.. And yes - So are my 20's.

F U C K 

Birthday month consisted of a carefully orchestrated series of events to ensure I didn't lock myself in my house, and eat my feelings in darkness, whilst wallowing in self pity and questioning every single decision I have made in my life up until this point.

I have had the most incredible month celebrating life with my favourite people.

aka Birthday Month was a HUGE SUCCESS.

Laying poolside with a cocktail in my hand and the Balinese sun on my body, 

I took a moment (just one...) to reflect on the last ten years.

This pretty much sums it up - 

So, without too much emotion (hopefully...) here's a quick list of 

T H I N G S   I   L E A R N T   I N   M Y   2 0 ' S

• It is impossible to find happiness by doing things just because everyone else is.

• Nothing superficial has the power to fill the void of unhappiness. Binge eating and manic shopping sprees are the emotional equivalent of putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound.

• It takes two to tango. But only one person to leave the dance floor.

• There is no cure for the Travel Bug.

• Family is everything. Get to know your parents. Like, really know who they are as a person, rather than just as 'Mum' or 'Dad'. Sit with them and share a bottle of wine. I guarantee you will learn something new about them every.single.time.

• You can make fairly accurate assumptions about a person based on their shoes.

• Having goals and ambition is imperative. Fear of failure is a waste of time.

• Negative self talk is an epidemic. Everyone has insecurities. There is not enough emphasis or energy put towards positive thinking or support of others.

• Moving house is a pain in the ass... Unless you consider it as an 'adventure' rather than a 'chore'.

• Ignorance is not bliss. It is important to have an opinion. About music. Current events. Icecream flavours.

• It is equally as important to be willing to consider others opinions. I am not opposed to judging them later.. but only after listening to their justifications and considering their perspective. 

• White linen in your home creates a feeling of opulence akin to a 5-star hotel.

• It is Murphy's Law that when you have booked a 5-star hotel, you will be out all night and never actually sleep in the bed or enjoy any of the luxurious facilities; but when you have 'settled' for a lower standard of accommodation, you will spend more time in the hotel than you anticipated.

• Everybody has a story. Some people may never share it with you and that's their prerogative. Sharing your story with others is also optional.

• A self-preservation and/or self-development routine is imperative. Money well-spent on YOU is an investment. Facials. Gym memberships (if that's what you're into). Life coaching. Education. You are worthy of your own affection.

• Being in someone's wedding is not a contractually binding agreement that you will remain in their lives (even if it is your own....)

• Some of the most disastrous events/situations will make for a great story in a few minutes/days/months/years. Time heals all wounds. Eventually.

• Nobody else knows what they are doing either.

• Never say Never. Yes - I just quoted Justin Bieber. Watch this space for a new post all about my not-so-secret crush on this guy...

xx