I'm an over-thinker.
The girl who has a plan, a back up plan and also a plan incase the back up plan fails too.
I understand the excitement that comes from spontenaity and the unknown, but I like to know what to expect next. I like the control. I justify my constant need to control by saying that 'it's in my nature', part of my personality, my DNA. It's what makes me Me.
But the truth is, there have been times in the past 6 months when I have had absolutely no control over my situation and when I'm not sitting around dwelling on it I've had fun. I have realised that the world hasn't ended; the sky hasn't fallen. I have adjusted.
And then.. every so often, I have a weekend like the one just gone. Where I've lingered on a thought for a little too long and all of a sudden my controlling nature surfaces and I begin to panic about.. well.. everything.
I panic about my future. About my right now. About my life; my goals; my direction. And about my failures.
I panic about where I'll live. How I'll afford it. About making the wrong choice. Or not making any decisions at all.
It's all very overwhelming.
But I have to take a deep breath and remember :
Because I know that everything will be OK. Eventually.
And the over-thinking doesn't make thing easier. So I shouldn't waste my time.
Image found here