please don't leave me a voicemail...

I have a problem with voicemail.
And more specifically - people who leave voicemail messages.

But before we go any further, you might want to brace yourselves...
Because this is what I would describe is a Truth Bomb Post;
aka Harsh But Fair.

* * *

To The People Who Call My Phone and Find It Necessary To Talk To The Robot Lady Who Is Responsible For My Voice Mail,

(Her name is Samantha.)

My phone is always near me.

Like, rarely arms length away from me.

So if I don't answer -
It's because I literally can't right now;
or (much more likely) I DON'T WANT TO.


I sat down and wrote a list of all the times it is appropriate for you to leave a voice message -

1. NEVER^


If you are calling me, it means that you know me.
Which means I know you.
And you have my number.
So it's fair to assume that I have yours.
Stored right there in my contacts list.
So... When you call me (with the magic that is Mobile Phone Technology) your name comes up my screen.

If we're good friends - well... You should know me better than this by now... and I may start to question our friendship - and a photo I have carefully selected and assigned to your profile will also dominate my screen (interrupting my highly-likely Insta-scrolling) until you stop calling.
Which means if I don't answer, and by some miracle my phone wasn't visible to me in that exact moment -
My oh-so-smart phone notifies me of your missed call automatically.

If I don't answer your phone call -
P L E A S E   S E N D   M E   A   T E X T

I promise, I will read your text and respond IMMEDIATELY*.

But that little notification that tells me I have a voicemail?
Well... I can ignore that FOR DAYS.

Let's have a look at that in a pie chart...

In summary - If I don't answer my phone, I am either dead or busy.

Don't bother Samantha^.

Send me a text. Summarise the reason why you're calling.

Seriously.....

"Hi! It's meeee... Call me back!"

That's annoying.

Yup... Russell Brand know's where I'm coming from -

xx


^Unless you sing to me. 
I'm totally OK with you calling to serenade Samantha and I.
It's lovely.
We appreciate it.
☺

*Immediately.
Or maybe, like, in a few hours.
Definitely immediately if it's urgent though.
Promise. xx

paparazzi of our own lives

Earlier this week, a teenage girl whose name I no longer remember, got her 15 minutes of fame in mainstream media for admitting that everything she posted on social media to gain likes and followers was not a true reflection of her real life.

Apparently she feels like a fraud, and wants to call bullshit on the online charade.

This is the kind of 'news' that I would like to label -

A   S T O R M   I N   A   T E A C U P

Not because I don't agree with her new desire to empower young girls to live authentically;

Or because I don't applaud her new decision to use her position of power to speak truthfully to her followers;

Or because I, like several others, can't help but question if this was a clever marketing ploy to further her 'brand'.

But because it feels like we've just discovered that magazine editors use photoshop to enhance their images.

Or that reality shows like The Bachelor, Masterchef, (and dare I suggest it) Keeping Up With The Kardashians, employ an entourage of behind-the-scenes producers and editors to manufacture events and carefully manipulate situations to illicit more drama.

*gasp*

Social media posts are edited versions of reality.

That's a fact.

Photos posted by most #fitspiration accounts are no more candid than a carefully planned Lorna Jane photoshoot with strategic product placement and clever styling.

That's why we follow them.

It's why posts with hashtags like #inspiration; #foodporn; and #homedecor are in the millions.

Surely you too have taken countless near-identical shots before choosing 'the one' to post;

Added a valencia filter;

Or artfully cropped the image to showcase the best element?!

You won't find many terrible photos on my Facebook or Instagram accounts; 

And likewise, you won't find any framed and hung on the walls in my house.

Nobody wants to see my bedroom floor covered with the entire contents of my wardrobe because I couldn't find anything to wear to work 3 days in a row..

Or the state of my kitchen mid-baking, with dishes piled in the sink and the remnants of an icing sugar explosion across my bench top.

I publicly display the good stuff - ON and OFF line.

xx

birthday month 2015

Happy 1st of November!

Or as I like to call it -

Rather than look back, and recap my life, as I have done in the past...

(here, here, here, here. Interestingly I didn't bother with a post last year...)

I'm taking a different approach to Birthday Month today.

I ' M   L O O K I N G   F O R W A R D

Perhaps I'm somehow inspired by a terrible quote I heard recently,
which had something to do with looking back giving you nothing but a sore neck...

Maybe it's because I've got lots of exciting things on the horizon?

Or maybe I am finally getting wiser in my old age?!

This month I will say goodbye to my 20's; 

(EEK!)

And I have sooo many things for which to be grateful,

I'm not worried about 'The Big 3-0' at all.



xx