speaking up

"Sometimes getting pregnant can reduce the symptoms and provide some relief"

-- Actual professional medical advice offered to 21- year old Andie

"But don't wait too long;
Because this can impact your ability to fall pregnant naturally;
And may cause infertility"

I was a Uni graduate ready to commence my career;

I was not yet engaged but I will always wonder if perhaps this diagnosis fast tracked the process which saw me upgraded from girlfriend to fiancé;

Soon after the engagement party I had my first laproscopic surgery.

I'm now well over- due for my third.

'Endometriosis' 

I'd never heard of it before.

The surgery was the only way to know for sure if the diagnosis was correct.

And yes - More than one of my doctors suggested pregnancy as a means of 'managing' the condition.

This is the first time I am telling my story in a public forum.

Why??

Because March is
E N D O M E T R I O S I S
A W A R E N E S S   M O N T H

And it's taken me 30 days of the month, to build up the courage to complete this post and hit Publish.

But that's the point of an awareness campaign, isn't it?
To shed light on a topic.
Start a dialogue.
Encourage open communication and education..

Society doesn't like to talk about 'female problems' so endometriosis not a medical condition I admit to suffering from despite it causing near-constant discomfort and crippling pain more often than once a month.

It is a difficult condition to describe to anyone who has not experienced it.

Sometimes a picture can convey the pain more accurately than I can explain it -

Very pissed of fire breathing dragons.

With knives.
And machine guns.


The pain can be so extreme and debilitating that it literally incapacitates me.

As a result, it is a huge contributing factor to depression.

It is rendering women infertile.

And yet, I still feel like it is not a legitimate reason to call in sick to work.

O N E  in  T E N   W O M E N
S U F F E R   F R O M   E N D O M E T R I O S I S

So I am simultaneously caught between thinking I should shut the fuck up and not complain; 
And
Talking about it until I am blue in the face, 
So that maybe others also suffering in silence will feel they can share their story too.

Today I am choosing to talk about it.
To share my story.
And the stories of others.
Because knowing I am not alone truly helped me.

They gave me permission to be kind to myself.

They made me realise I am not crazy,
And the pain is not normal.

They allowed me to accept that it sucks,
But it doesn't mean I am broken.

And neither are you.

"Be kind to yourself on the bad days"

And remember this :

Alexandra Elle

xx

seduced by words

I am a writer.

OK.. So I'm not the kind who gets paid to put prose to paper; reach an assigned quota; or meet a deadline.

But I do pour my thoughts out of my head and onto the page.

I'm the girl who believes in the significance of words.

Who values both the price of those written in silence and spoken out loud.

The kind who carefully forms thoughts into sentences.

Who knows that language is a gift.

Perhaps it is because I am a writer, or maybe it's just me... 

But I am the girl who believes in the power of the things I say.

I   S A Y   W H A T   I   M E A N 

I   M E A N   W H A T   I   S A Y

(And if I can't say it, then I remain silent... but that's a story for another day)

Even the simplest words can convey a significant message.

Every word has a worth.

And because I find beauty in letters strung together to form a meaning;

And because I appreciate the art of articulation - 

 I   A M   S E D U C E D   B Y   W O R D S

So it never occurred to me to question that others may not consider the value of their own.

Then again, I am the girl who believes that a pinky promise is a valid contractual agreement.

So I am learning that words alone (though magical in their seduction) are not quite enough.

In the currency of language -

Words and promises are only worth something if they are accompanied by action.

xx

please don't leave me a voicemail...

I have a problem with voicemail.
And more specifically - people who leave voicemail messages.

But before we go any further, you might want to brace yourselves...
Because this is what I would describe is a Truth Bomb Post;
aka Harsh But Fair.

* * *

To The People Who Call My Phone and Find It Necessary To Talk To The Robot Lady Who Is Responsible For My Voice Mail,

(Her name is Samantha.)

My phone is always near me.

Like, rarely arms length away from me.

So if I don't answer -
It's because I literally can't right now;
or (much more likely) I DON'T WANT TO.


I sat down and wrote a list of all the times it is appropriate for you to leave a voice message -

1. NEVER^


If you are calling me, it means that you know me.
Which means I know you.
And you have my number.
So it's fair to assume that I have yours.
Stored right there in my contacts list.
So... When you call me (with the magic that is Mobile Phone Technology) your name comes up my screen.

If we're good friends - well... You should know me better than this by now... and I may start to question our friendship - and a photo I have carefully selected and assigned to your profile will also dominate my screen (interrupting my highly-likely Insta-scrolling) until you stop calling.
Which means if I don't answer, and by some miracle my phone wasn't visible to me in that exact moment -
My oh-so-smart phone notifies me of your missed call automatically.

If I don't answer your phone call -
P L E A S E   S E N D   M E   A   T E X T

I promise, I will read your text and respond IMMEDIATELY*.

But that little notification that tells me I have a voicemail?
Well... I can ignore that FOR DAYS.

Let's have a look at that in a pie chart...

In summary - If I don't answer my phone, I am either dead or busy.

Don't bother Samantha^.

Send me a text. Summarise the reason why you're calling.

Seriously.....

"Hi! It's meeee... Call me back!"

That's annoying.

Yup... Russell Brand know's where I'm coming from -

xx


^Unless you sing to me. 
I'm totally OK with you calling to serenade Samantha and I.
It's lovely.
We appreciate it.
☺

*Immediately.
Or maybe, like, in a few hours.
Definitely immediately if it's urgent though.
Promise. xx

let's talk about r.b.f.

Today I had the honour of being featured on The Nereeda Network's 'Nereeda Nine'.

oh em gee

Honestly, I feel a little out of place amongst many other oh-so-talented, and frankly, intimidating men and women who have participated before me.

Why?

Because I know what I am bringing to the table... 

And it's not an impressive CV or infinite business advice.

Which brings me to The Topic of Today - 

R E S T I N G   B I T C H   F A C E

(Formerly known as Bitchy Resting Face as shown in this Official Google Trends Graph)

... a phenomenon in which the resting face lacks animation and appears to look bitchy at all times, thus leading people to believe a person must be upset, a snob or a bitch.

Trust me... It's a thing.

People, such as myself, who suffer Chronic Resting Bitch Face are often inundated with enquiry from surrounding people, including -

"What's wrong?"

"Are you okay?"

"Are you mad/sad/depressed?"

"You know...Before I got to know you, I thought you were a snobby bitch*."

How people who suffer Chronic Resting Bitch Face respond -

"I'm fine...honestly." 

"No, nothing is wrong." 

"Yes, I'm sure."

How people who suffer Chronic Resting Bitch Face want to respond - 

"IT'S JUST HOW MY FACE LOOKS!"

I could have posted a photo of my own RBF..
But how could I go past Sassy Barbie?!
#nailedit

If you too suffer from this condition, please know you are not alone.

Infact, let us stand united.

Embrace it.

Love it.

Work it.

xx

*True... 

twelve things you would know about me ...

( ... I F   Y O U   K N O W   M E   A T   A L L )

O N E

I write a blog.

T W O

I stand in front of my freezer and eat icecream straight out of the tub.
Or tubs...
Let's be honest - There are multiple containers of various flavours to choose from.

T H R E E

I spend a lot of time at the beach. A Lot.
Running. Playing with Miss Emmy. Sitting. Thinking. Crying (!) Contemplating. Reading.
Rain, Hail, or Shine.
Because the beach is my happy place.

F O U R

My big sister is my bestie.
We are polar opposites; yet somehow scarily similar in many ways.
We communicate multiple times a day; 

Through text, old-fashioned phone calls, or social media -
Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.

F I V E

I light candles throughout my house every night. 

I like the warmth and ambiance of the flicker of a flame.

S I X

I don't seem like the 'Sporty Type' but I like to run. 

And I sometimes practice Yoga. 

And although I haven't done either for a while, I also like to ski - Water and Snow.

S E V E N 

I own an electric drill and a power sander.
I am quite handy around the house...
But I struggle to sew on a button.

E I G H T

I HATE wearing flat shoes. 

Unless I am wearing workout clothes with sneakers - I'm either barefoot or in heels.
Yup.. I wear heels on the weekend.

Flat shoes make me feel short and fat.

N I N E

I could give up watching television in a heart beat; 

But I would cry if you took the music off my iPhone.

T E N 

I sometimes eat chocolate and drink wine for dinner.

E L E V E N

I still believe a Pinky Promise to be a legitimate, binding, contractual agreement.
Thou shall not break a Pinky Promise.

T W E L V E

I sing in the car. 

Always.

xx

i bring the thunder

"I brought the thunder.. 

It's what I call it.

It's very effective at work.. Only it's totally inappropriate on a date.

I was nervous.

I didn't socialise much as a kid; I kind of spent all my time in books;

and you don't have to socialise with books...

So when I get nervous I tend to cover it up by talking a lot;

and being really loud. And definite. And being in charge...

So no one will see how scared I am.

And on our date I was terrified because you're very handsome and nice and you're great;

A N D   I ' M   D O R K Y .

I ' M   N E R D Y .

I ' M   M E ! 

So I brought the thunder!!!"

-- Maggie Pierce

Yup - I'm the girl who's still watching Grey's Anatomy 11 years after it first aired.

Furthermore - I'm the girl who can still relate to the characters on Grey's Anatomy in its 11th season...

Maggie Pierce. I get her.

And I too have my own version of The Thunder, which I have been know to unleash on unsuspecting victims.

I'm not good at dating.

I am awkward at small talk.

I can be the worlds worst Chatty Cathy.

And then I retreat like a turtle back into my shell.

Hopefully a little thunder isn't too scary.

And as they say -

A F T E R   E V E R Y   S T O R M   C O M E S   A   R A I N B O W

xx

#OneBeautifulThought

Thought of the Day: 

W O M E N   A R E   B I T C H E S *

* to themselves

Ever wondered what it would sound like if your inner critic spoke out loud?

Dove France have launched an ad campaign based on the hideous things we say to ourselves.

The dialogue for this ad was made by asking women on the street to record their most personal thoughts about their bodies.

These criticisms were then scripted into a conversation between two women in a cafe, with the original women within earshot to hear all the ugly things they had said about themselves, directed at someone else.

_____________________

If it's not acceptable to say it to someone else,

WHY SAY IT TO OURSELVES?

_____________________

The way my eyes sparkle when I am excited; 

and show raw emotion when I am hurt.

#OneBeautifulThought

xx

five words is not enough

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words or less - 

What would you say??

Would you throw out some adjectives and hope they're interpreted the right way?

I N D E P E N D E N T

ie. Doesn't play well with others... (kidding....)

C R A Z Y

But not in an "I-Need-To-Be-Institutionalised kind of way"

L O Y A L

Or is this a term best left to describe the family dog?!

I N T E L L I G E N T

Just don't take me to a quiz night and expect me to know anything other than answers to the Pop Culture category

S A S S Y

aka Bitch. No not really... 

Ok.. Sort of.

Or would you try to narrow it down to one succinct sentence?

S E R I O U S L Y   F O C U S S E D;

O R   S U G A R - F I L L E D   C H I L D

Who clearly doesn't play by the rules, because that's 6 words, not 5...

And, yeah... If I'm excited, my levels of hyperactivity can be comparable to a four-year-old in a candy store.

Even if you told me there was no word limit, I don't think I could complete the task and be 100% satisfied with my answer.

It's a tough question.

And often, how we perceive ourselves, is not how we are seen by others.

But this quote by Victoria Erickson is a pretty accurate summary of me; 

Each time I read it, it becomes clearer that I could never pick 5 words to describe myself to a stranger.

The best I can come up with right now is - 

E Q U A L L Y   C O V E T S   R O U T I N E 

A N D   A D V E N T U R E

xx

we all have a story to tell

..."What do you even blog about?"

..."And what's the point in writing a blog that you don't make money from?"

..."But who would want to read what you write anyway?"

Those were the questions thrown at me by a friend's wife several weeks ago at a social gathering. 

It felt like an interrogation. And I felt like a fraud.

My immediate response?

S H I T . . . 

W H Y   D O   I   W R I T E  ? ! 

And then I found this... 

... and Flannery O'Connor had said it for me.

The truth is - My mind is a busy place.

And sometimes I need to Write It Out, just like T-Swift likes to Shake It Off.

For as long as I can remember, writing has been a huge part of my life.

Short stories; Journals; Poems; Letters; This Blog.

I find words to be therapeutic; and oftentimes, they pour out of my fingertips onto the keyboard, or scrawled across a piece of paper with the tip of a pen, and create sentences I didn't even know existed in my mind.

I can empty my emotions onto a page and suddenly the jumble of thoughts combines with my subconscious and I can find clarity spelled out before me.

I write because I made a promise to my Nan that I would one day publish a book of my stories; Because perhaps my lessons will help others (or at the very least, serve to entertain).

I write because I have a terrible memory!
So that I can read it back and marvel at my experiences; and remember with exact detail how I felt in that very moment.

Sometimes I write with a self-imposed pinky promise to never look at those words again.

I have thoughts.

And I have opinions.

And I write this blog because I want to.

xx

ten simple rules...

I have long contemplated the pros and cons of using this site to document my personal personal life.

I mean, naturally, I use this space to write about Life in a broad sense of the word, but I've always been very clear that this is not the forum for a Dear Diary outpouring of feelings and moment-by-moment replay of daily events. 

Nonetheless, the time has come for me to write an open letter to the men. More specifically - single men. Even more specifically - single men who are trying desperately to become un-single. The kind with whom I have recently had various (mostly unpleasant) encounters.

Let me first admit that the readership of this blog is comprised of my sister, one or two friends who only come here because I bribe them, and (for some inexplicable reason) a handful of people from America; So.. the odds of any single men (particularly those to whom this is intended) stumbling across this post is somewhere between slim and minus five million.

N E V E R   M I N D ...

---

Dear Single Men, 


Following my recent and (quite frankly) baffling personal experiences in the dating world, I am taking it upon myself to offer some advice from me, a twenty-something year old girl who enjoys margaritas and long walks on the beach; to you, a potential suitor who has not progressed past primary school techniques, such as pinching and name-calling, as a means to express interest in a woman.

Let me break it down for you.

Please don't over-complicate it. Hmm.. isn't it ironic that my first suggestion is to keep things simple, despite this being quite an extensive list. In my world - Boy asks girl out. Girl says yes. If you ask me to meet you at X at whatever o'clock on Friday I will say yes. You have worked out the details, and extended an invitation; the least I can do is accept the offer to get to know you. 

The whole "text-only" phase has a very short expiration date. I will get bored and move on. 

Please don't lure me under false pretenses. If I agree to meet for coffee, I have allocated a certain portion of my day to this pre-arranged activity. Please don't put me on the spot and force me to commit to extra time by announcing upon arrival that you're hungry and want to order a steak. They say that it takes just 15 minutes to decide if you have chemistry with someone (I believe it to be much quicker than that). So, upgrading yourself from a drink to a meal at the beginning of the date makes me immediately annoyed which does nothing for the potential chemistry; or worse, I will question your integrity- why weren't you clear about your intentions when we were organising this thing? 

Please don't whistle - At me or anyone else. Not in an "OMG, you're hot" kind of way; nor in a "Hey there, wait-staff! I am trying to get your attention!" kind of way. Whistling is for communicating with animals.

Please don't quote TV Shows to me. I won't understand the reference. Specific examples include (but are not limited to) Friends, Seinfeld, The Simpsons. I do not, and have never, watched them. Trying to further explain the quote in its original context won't help. 
[Hot Tip : The gifs in this post give you an indication of the tv shows I do watch.]

Please don't tell a story about all your attached/married/settled mates and explain that you're looking to "get serious about life" because you want a wife, three kids, a dog and a picket fence just like them. Maybe this is music to some girls' ears..?? But far from drifting into a day dream about our future wedding, I guarantee I will feel like a science experiment being assessed on my mating potential based on my genetics. At this point, I will also imagine you creepily photo-shopping my Facebook photos into a family album of our future children.

Please don't make me share the popcorn. I'm not kidding. Popcorn is just not a sharing food between two people who are still getting to know each other. You will insist on holding it to establish your control in our blossoming relationship; and I will worry about making too much noise / wonder if you are judging me for eating too much / if I am distracting you every time I reach to get some. As a result, I will barely touch it despite spending the entire duration of the movie thinking about it. (By the way - That's not a euphemism, I'm legit talking about popcorn).

Please don't make a big deal out of my age and/or our age difference. This applies on every level - calling me a Cougar is equally as off-putting as calling me Kiddo. If we have chemistry and more than a few things in common, age should be irrelevant. Demi and Ashton used to be a great example for this point. But since they're no longer together, let's just move along with the knowledge that labels are unnecessary.

Please don't play The Waiting Game. (Notice I didn't say 'please don't play games'?! Those can be fun...) But focus - because I'm talking specifically about The Waiting Game, for which I have no patience. Whoever is spreading nonsense about a 3-day rule needs to be publicly shamed.
There will come a point after our date at which time I will start to consider the possible reasons I've not heard from you. Common possibilities considered include :
a. You’re not interested anymore [Ouch.. perhaps harsh but fair..]
b. You’re too busy for me [ie. I'm not a priority and/or your social calender is overflowing with commitments so it's "last in, first out"];
c. Your girlfriend/wife/mum (?!) is back in town [Please don't entangle me in your dissatisfying life];

d. You died. Your phone died. Someone died. [If someone did actually die - Please know that I would be most sympathetic and would probably offer baked goods as my condolences. Please also know that it is incredibly inappropriate to fake a death with the expectation of receiving baked goods].
Depending on my interest in you, I will either privately contemplate these options; or openly discuss each possibility with one or more friends.

Further to the bullshit 3-day rule - I don't know many girls who will get upset because you contacted them too soon after a date. However, there is a fine line between keen and needy. Find it. Respect it.

Please don't centre the conversation around your judgments of me. If you think I would be perfect on Big Brother as the "hot, corporate, bossy chick" please keep that to yourself even if (for some unknown reason) you think it is a compliment. 

Please don't assume you know me. The fact that we are friends on Facebook does not give you the right to make assumptions about my life. Reference my social media posts if you want (provided it's recent and not from 2012) but remember that these platforms are about showcasing a highlight reel. It's true that I have an active social life, I bake and I travel fairly regularly; but did you know that I can also tell the difference between a flathead and a phillipshead screwdriver? I can build my own IKEA furniture; and I can cook a barbeque. I have bought and sold houses, I have loved and I have lost; I have known success and felt failure; and I will never settle for anything less than fireworks ever again.

With love from Andie

xx

wabi-sabi

"I'm a perfectionist"

That's the answer young Andie would give the prospective employers in interviews. As if I didn't have any other weaknesses than achieving perfection.

"Oh, Andie.. Such a perfectionist"

I became accustomed to hearing these words spoken about me, or to me, and I came to believe it was a compliment.

oh, how I was wrong.



- - -

P E R F E C T I O N   I S ,   B R O A D L Y ,  
A   S T A T E   O F   C O M P L E T E N E S S   A N D   F L A W L E S S N E S S

- Thanks wiki

- - -

Do you know what striving for perfection does to a girl's mind?

Well, it near sends her crazy.

As I grow and learn and discover new things about myself, I have come to realise that the quest for perfection is infact setting myself up for failure. 
[And while this isn't the first time I have blogged about this topic, I imagine it is probably not the last]

I can always look back on something and believe I should have done better; should have finished sooner; should should should.

Striving for perfection, much like adding salt to a batter instead of sugar, it looks like it will work, but it's a recipe for disaster.

So, I would like to introduce a new concept to you.

Or maybe not so new if you watched last season of the Australian TV show Wonderland?


W A B I - S A B I

It's a real thing! (I Wiki'd that too...)


Wabi-sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: 

nothing lasts;

nothing is finished; and 

nothing is perfect