overthinker

I've written about my chronic overthinking in the past.

Have you ever heard the name Katrina Webb?

I'll admit that until last week, I hadn't.

She's is an Australian Paralympic Athlete.

She has won Gold, Silver and Bronze medals in 3 Olympics.

And last week she came to my workplace to give a speech on setting and achieving goals, 

and overcoming fears.

She spoke about overcoming adversity, 

accepting our own vulnerability, 

and using mindfulness to quiet the mind.

Everyone in the room was captivated, 

not only by her sheer determination to succeed, 

but by her honesty and conviction.

Stories of own personal fears and challenges were relatable.

In sharing her experiences of self-doubt and her strategies to overcome her negative thinking, 

she was able to unite us.

Often, we are not unique in our fears,

We are unique in how we choose to deal with them.

O U R   M I N D S

C A N   B E   O U R   B I G G E S T   S U P P O R T E R S

 A N D   O U R   S T R O N G E S T   E N E M Y

xx

the game of life

Sleep is evading me this week.

I have laid (lain?*) awake for 3 nights in a row frustrated that my thoughts have not slowed; my eyes have not become heavy; and I have not drifted into a restful slumber.

My current state of restlessness seems here to stay.

So here I am at 3am rehashing a recent conversation with a friend; in which I tried (in my sleep deprived state) to explain my belief that oftentimes we encounter obstacles in our lives from which we must learn a lesson, otherwise similar challenges will continue to present themselves in the future (again and again.. And again) until the lesson is learnt.

F R O M   L E A R N I N G   C O M E S   G R O W T H 

and perhaps

N O N E   C A N   G R O W   W I T H O U T   L E A R N I N G

In any case, I have recently identified a recurring pattern in my life;

And based on my aforementioned beliefs, I am quite certain that this is no mere coincidence - 

I am supposed to learn something from this experience.

ie. This situation is providing me with the opportunity to grow.

Caught in this cycle, I have realised life is kind of like a high-stakes game of messed-up Monopoly -

You have landed on the Chance Card.

If you roll a 6 - 

Advance token to significant Personal Growth;

If you fail to roll a 6 - 

Go back 3 spaces; Internalise your life decisions; Pay the bank $200; and Miss a Turn.

Then try again...

Cue internal screaming 

"W H A T ' S   T H E   [insert expletive]   L E S S O N ?!"

So... because I am on a roll (pun intended) with the game metaphors;

I can explain this frustration very simply - 

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES

(wait.. no, that's not it. haha.. #sorrynotsorry)

L I F E   I S   A   P U Z Z L E 

You have never seen a picture of the finished image; 

And you can't even be sure that you have all the right pieces.

Which brings me to my final piece of wisdom (at 4am...)

And ironically (because it certainly wasn't intentional)...

this little piece of advice is 100% applicable to the current challenge I have been battling.

And I am sure in the light of day it will make absolute sense to discard the ill-fitting pieces of my puzzle.

(One more analogy just for goodluck...)

Just as there are always a few extra, unnecessary parts in the little bag of nuts, bolts and screws that come with your flatpack IKEA furniture - 

Ill-fitting puzzle pieces in real-life add zero support to the overall structure; and are rarely worth hanging on to.

xx

*At this point - Who knows?!

the power of expectations

Just over a week ago, I was over-the-moon excited to embark on The. Best. Weekend. Ever.

That may be a slight over-exaggeration (on this blog?! No WAY!); and the details are insignificant, but the learning was, in one word - EPIC.

And here I am a week later, considering the concept of expectation.

E X P E C T A T I O N

 [ek-spek-tey-shuh n]

noun

1. the act or the state of expecting : to wait in expectation.

2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good : to have great expectations.

6. the degree of probability that something will occur : There is little expectation that he will come.

In a nutshell, here's what I now know - 

Expectation Met Exceeded = On Cloud Nine.

Expectation Raised = Hope.

Expectation Not Met = Total Devastation.

There are two questions circling my mind -  

If we have expectations (whether they are of a person or a situation); 

Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Or are we simply putting the best case scenario out into the universe so that it can deliver the goods??

Are expectations (a desire for a certain outcome) a sign of greed; or Optimism?

The honest truth? 

I would rather feel the buzzing highs of anticipation; and suffer the crushing lows of disappointment; than experience life without hope.

xx

[Sidenote: In an ultimate example of irony - I have logged into blogger expecting to blurt out a post on expectation; I've struggled to put my thoughts into words for 3 days....; lost my connection to the internet and subsequently lost the random babbling I hadn't saved; started again, not with more clarity, but with less expectation.. and it has led me to this gem -

The key to letting go of resistance is letting go of the expectation that you’re supposed to be anywhere other than where you already are, right now.

Things will change soon enough and they will find you along your path, as you are ready. But until then, enjoy here, now.

- Tiny Buddha

you are not the lampshade

xx

four letters, starts with 'F'

F   E   A   R

That all-consuming, breath-taking, weight-in-your-stomach emotion that causes paralysis equivalent to catching a deer in the headlights.

I know you are familiar with this feeling.

If you're like me, you'll have experienced it before a job interview, or whilst giving a presentation to a room full of suit-and-tie clients, or even more simply (but equally as terrifying), opening up to someone new.

The one thing that has become increasingly clear to me is that so many people around me are making life choices based on their fears.

As in - "I can't do X because I am too scared".

I will be the first to admit that I have chosen a different (read 'easier') path on more than one occasion using this exact logic.

But I had a breakthrough moment yesterday after spending several hours with a friend's baby who is trying to walk before he can stand. As I sat on the floor watching him I began to really understand that fear is a learned emotion. It is a product of our own thoughts. We create our own fear based on past experiences or conjured in our over-active imaginations.

Time and time again, Baby O would pull himself up, steadying himself against the furniture, release his hands which were supporting him, and promptly fall to the ground.

He had no fear of falling. And when he did, someone would catch him. Or he would land on his well-padded butt. Occasionally, he would get a shock from the sudden downward motion and shed a tear. But he would soon get right back up and try again.

That's when I realised that as we get older, our fear overwhelms us because we lose perspective.
We are not afraid of standing - We have become fearful of the fall.
And sometimes, that fear stops us from getting back up and trying again.

Your fear may not be of falling (physically or emotionally) but the lesson here is that in many scenarios, the worst thing that can happen is usually not all that bad (or even particularly likely).

You will survive the interview; or rock the presentation; or form a closer bond with someone.

Recognise what it is you are truly fearful of. And do it anyway. Because, just like my friend's son, we get stronger each time we try. And eventually, standing unassisted and even taking that first step becomes easy, the fear is gone, and we can achieve something wonderful.

here

xx

what if..

Let's jump straight in today...


- - - - -

'What if '  are two very powerful words..

What if instead of using them to haunt yourself with past regrets,you used them to build your future?

What if you changed your attitude and accomplished the impossible?

- - - - -


Did you feel it?


Goosebumps. Just. Happened.


I cannot explain to you how much I LOVE this quote. And what a timely reminder that I'm sure we can all resonate with on some level no matter what our current situation or circumstances.

Perspective is everything, my friends.

Oh possibilities!

Happy weekend.

what if..?!

xx

tuesday truth

xx

intruder alert

I find it ironic that at a time when I am working on building a strong emotional, spiritual and physical foundation for my future, someone from my past pops up out of nowhere.

It's particularly amusing since one of my recent posts exposed The Drama Llama, so now more than ever, I am aware of the affect dramatisation can have on a situation.

The way to take the drama out of a story is to speak only of the facts - 

My marriage ended over 2.5 years ago;

Today I received a text from my ex;

I haven't heard from him in over a year;

My car needs a service; 

My car service people really need to update their records.

If this were any other situation, or person involved, I would make inappropriate comments about "car servicing"...

But in this case, I am mostly confused. 

Why would he think that 

a. I didn't already know that; and 

b. I needed him to remind me, especially when he was never very good at those kinds of things when we were married?!

Anyway.. over-analysing aside, this was a good time for me to remind myself that 

It. Doesn't. Matter.

I don't have to reply. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to engage.

And with a HUGE breath, I am empowered.

My past has no place in my future.

It is my story, but it doesn't define me.

xx

introducing the drama llama effect

Hello, my name is Andie and I am a recovering Drama Queen.

*Hello Andie*

I have been living a drama-filled life. And until recently, I realised that I am so accustomed to this state of being that I felt a sense of discomfort if life seemed to be flowing 'too easily'.

But here's the thing - some of the drama in my life was created within ME.

I would make up scenarios in my head of all that could go wrong;

Get tangled in a web of other people's troubles;

And exaggerate stories to engage everyone with my woeful situation.

Hey, this is a circle of trust, isn't it?! Don't judge!

Plus I'm a blogger.. who would read if my writing wasn't atleast a little entertaining?!

I don't think it's time for me to go to rehab just yet. But it was recently bought to my attention that if I want to accept peace, love and happiness into my life, I had to hang up my DQ cape.

 With this new conscious effort, I have realised that a lot of the drama in our lives takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.

Drama is only possible if we engage with it.

And this, right here, is the single realisation that has me entering this Holiday Season with a feeling of peace and tranquility.

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” 

~Unknown

So my tip, if you too are a recovering Drama Queen who engages with other people's stories - 

Be an observer. Not everything needs a reaction

And trust me - the change you will feel is incredible.

xx

head vs heart

Have you ever done a personality test?

You know the type - A questionnaire or other standardized instrument designed to reveal aspects of an individual's character or psychological makeup.

Often used in the recruitment process, or during a 'Team Building Day' at work.

According the Meyers-Briggs, I am an INTJ.

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

One of the rarest of the sixteen personality types.

For the most part, I agree.

 INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait of combining imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority come into play. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel ... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals ... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.

—Marina Margaret Heiss^[12]

INTJs are analytical. Like INTPs, they are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less sociable than other types. Nevertheless, INTJs are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampantemotionalism. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not readily accept authority based on tradition, rank, or title.

INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.

—Sandra Krebs Hirsch^[13]

I have always questioned Personality Testing, because I claim to have multiple personalities based on my mood - am I mad, playful, or focused when I am taking this test? 

Because I believe my state of mind will play a major part in determining my 'type'.

Specialists in the Personality Type field claim your core values will come through in a test, regardless of your mood.

Well.. it did say I like to 'disregard authority'!!

Anyway, in essence, my personality testing would have me believe that I am 100% ruled by my head. 

Not my heart.

here

So imagine my challenge, when having recently engaged a Life Coach, I was told to listen to my Truth.

Huh?!

How does my Truth fit in here?!

Simply put - my Truth and my heart are connected.

Our head is analytical; logical.

But it's also where fear resides. Our heads have an uncanny ability to convince us that anything outside our 'comfort zone' is a bad idea.

Which is when we must engage our Heart and our Truth.

I am learning that this is not always easy, after being controlled by my Head for so long.

Our Truth can determine how valid our fears are.

This is where our intuition comes into play.

With this new awareness in my toolkit I have been reading more and more about mindfulness, which is a concept I was first introduced to back in May.

The truth is, a simple understanding of mindfulness does not make for a peaceful mind.

It is a practice. And it's damn hard to begin with!

I am discovering that just because we can justify a decision with our Head, that does not automatically make it the right decision.

Think about it.

xx